


bitter brew

by reasonliving



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: F/M, Feelings, I love him, Manga Spoilers, Mentions of other characters - Freeform, Post-Battle of Shiganshina, Some angst, Sort Of Fluff, bear with me, first time writing Levi, if you know who i mean, post-meeting humans from outside the walls, you and Levi try coffee
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-28
Updated: 2020-09-28
Packaged: 2021-03-07 21:42:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,479
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26634541
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reasonliving/pseuds/reasonliving
Summary: You and Levi try coffee for the first time, and bask in what remains of daylight as the sun sets over Trost.
Relationships: Levi & Reader, Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin) & Reader, Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin)/Reader, Levi/Reader
Comments: 10
Kudos: 63





	bitter brew

(Was listening to [this](https://open.spotify.com/track/4dXJTt9Y7cFzXhHu8yYPJl) while writing)

* * *

It was one of the cooler nights of autumn in Trost.

You silently thank yourself as you grip the steaming mug of freshly brewed coffee tighter, a gust of wind leaving your skirt slightly disheveled. Feet taking you to a familiar grassy path, you look up at the now tangerine sky, stretching out far and wide above Wall Rose.

In the corner of your eye you spot a soldier walking away from the lifts, and as he notices you he brings himself to a salute, stare and posture cast in full attention.

“Squad Leader!”

You feel self-conscious when he addresses you with the utmost respect while you're in civilian clothes and taking a break from training your team. Hange's meetings hadn't exactly left you with room for a normal schedule; the past week had you catching up on a staggering load of paperwork, or _shit documents_ as he calls it. Since the blow from Shiganshina left a gaping hole in the ranks, not having enough people meant that Hange turned to the remaining higher-ups in the military branch, you and Levi included, to manage the reports. Furthermore, a recent encounter with anti-Marleyans only added to your tasks.

Having built a pier for docking ships allowed ample opportunity for future relations and trade, but with it comes the ever-growing responsibility you're not quite sure the government's ready for.

“At ease, Barris,” you smile at the new recruit who's now relaxed, and bring your gaze up towards the top of the wall in hopes of identifying a person’s blurry figure. Back hunched and facing the other side, it's too far away to see if it is Levi, so you decide to take your chances anyway.

“Captain’s up there, if you’re lookin’ for him.”

Barris doesn't miss the way your eyes light up at the mention.

“Perfect. You should head inside, it _is_ getting a bit chilly. Wouldn't want you to catch a cold, would we?” 

With that, the Survey Corps member salutes again and jogs off to the barracks, finished with his day of training and anticipating a warm dinner.

Coming closer to the edge, you briefly step into the wooden platform, boards slightly creaking as you do so, and yank the lever down with your free hand. Gears turn, and metal clank against each other in the distance as you’re slowly pulled up from the ground. You silently hum a song to yourself, taking in your surroundings from this side of the massive wall.

Houses and buildings are lined up in an orderly fashion, and the city is bustling in the daylight, merchants and residents carrying out their daily activities. Children squeal as they race each other along the river, and you can't exactly take a look at their faces from up where you are, but you could imagine them grinning as their mothers gather them round for dinner, blissful and without a care in the world.

This was a sight you only became used to after joining the Scouts and earning a place above, a place in society. You still find it hard to believe that living like this, where you're welcomed and where people did things out of sincerity, was the norm. And knowing that somewhere, out on the fields of one of the Reiss farms, were children from the underground district, equally well-fed and content, brought a warm feeling to your heart.

Although, you _are_ mortified whenever you recall that evening with Historia—you choking out a tearful thank you to the Queen, Levi shoving a handkerchief and telling you to _get your act together_ —as you hardly ever lacked composure in front of people.

_Oi. The hell you sobbing for?_

The insufferable man never let you forget how you brimmed with tears in front of the cadets and government officials, much to his amusement. Even so, as stoic as he is, there's no mistaking how you caught his lips in the slightest upturn, eyes softening at the delighted shrieks of kids scampering around in the grass. 

As you're pulled back into the present, you can't help but find yourself picturing your own scenario with the stubborn man, and your breath hitched at the thought of lazily waking up every morning to his caress—

No. You shouldn't be thinking of this.

In a world where nothing is certain, where your current jobs require you to give your life when humanity needs it, it's unfitting to dream, and it's wrong to hope.

Bitter as it is.

Chastising, you try to calm yourself, heart pounding rapidly, blood rushing in waves. These fluttering, overwhelming emotions leave you lightheaded, and you're not sure what to do with them.

You’ve fallen in too deep, much more than you’d be willing to admit.

* * *

As the wooden lift comes to a stop, you pause at the view on the other side.

Colours brush upon each other, orange with threads of red and streaks of gold, painting a setting sun over the lush green of empty fields. 

The last time you'd been here was before the corps set out to Shiganshina. The memory is bittersweet, and you stare wistfully at the fading image of the Commander leading the charge, eyes blazing with determination.

Levi is in his usual grey button-up, and he watches you as you step out from the lifts, a little dizzy from the sudden altitude.

“How did you know I was up here?”

“My incredible eyesight?”

Levi scoffs. "Sure. But I'm not the one who tripped over a shitty rock the other day."

"Must you remember all my flaws, _honey_?"

He grimaces at the nickname, falling silent, and you walk up to him at a leisurely pace.

“That tea?” He eyes the mug in your right hand, visibly perking up at the thought.

“No, but it might be something even better,” you sat down next to him, “Coffee.”

" _Tch_. We'll see about that."

You took a whiff of the scent and exclaimed in delight, pretending as if this was your first time doing it. You've undoubtedly had plenty of sniffs during your walk from the kitchen.

“It’s heavenly!”

He rolled his eyes. You _had_ to have a flair for the dramatic.

“They told me this was a rare brand, just had enough bags for a few people. I sure lucked out getting my hands on this, huh?”

Levi gave a grunt in reply, uninterested.

“I’ll have to show you how to prepare this using the coffee maker they brought, how they filter out the ground beans. It looked like something out of Hange’s study. Nothing short of fascinating!”

Taking a sip of the rich, bitter taste, your eyes lit up, lips smug as you made your decision.

“I’d take this over your black tea any day.”

He gave a look that said _now you’ve done it_.

Peering at the mug you brought, his eyes narrowed as you moved closer, shoulders touching. The sharp, unfamiliar aroma wafts through the air, smoky and overpowering. 

Levi is unimpressed.

“Just looks like watered down shit to me.”

“C’mon, you grump. It won’t hurt to try new things.” You nudge it towards him, lips forming a coy smile.

He pauses, looking down at the dark liquid, slightly hesitating. You caught a brief hint of curiosity in his grey eyes.

“Ah, wait,” remembering something, you reach out your empty hand and grabbed a small pouch from your side pocket.

“Brought some sugar cubes, just in case. It might _just_ be a bit too bitter for you.” Setting the bag aside, you go back to the task at hand.

"How about it? _Hm_?"

His hands enveloped yours as he raised the mug and slowly took a sip.

Frowning immediately, he sputters, eyeing the drink like poison.

“Not only does it look like shit, but it’s the real deal,” he scrunched his nose in disgust, “not even sugar can help.”

You laugh freely, somewhat expecting this reaction.

“Ha! They told me it’s an acquired taste. Guess I’ll be having this all to myself,” you gleefully take the drink from his hands, knowing all too well he was relieved to have gotten this over with.

  
  


* * *

A slight breeze picked up, and you shivered.

You linked your fingers with his, exhaling at the warm touch. As you lean on his shoulders, you savor the moment, eyes fluttering shut in contentment. Suddenly the image of him with equally annoying children running around the house materialises in your mind, and you fight the urge to smile.

Levi ruffles your hair, something he does when you’re both alone. 

You both stay quiet for a while, basking in the silence—save for the soft chirp of crickets in the distance.

  
  


“Who did you have to bribe for that crap of a drink?”

“I _kindly_ asked Yelena for some samples. Bet you wouldn’t think of asking nicely for things, _huh_?”

" _Tch_." He flicked your forehead, and you whined in protest.

“She even offered me—no, _insisted_ —I take a bottle of their top-grade wine, the one they’re gonna bring to the capital,” you paused, gauging at his reaction.

Levi remained impassive and stared straight ahead, eyes never leaving the horizon.

“And?”

You cradled the now lukewarm coffee remaining in your hand.

“Not that I did, anyway. Alcohol is useless to you, and you know how lightweight I am,” you paused, shaking your head, “Figured that liquor was probably gonna sit on the cabinet for years. But the gesture was nice, though.”

He's silent, and your fingers are tracing the lines on his palm, over and over again.

You know what he's going to say, so you find yourself uttering the words as he opens his mouth.

"I know, _I know_. Don't trust them too much."

He speaks up without so much sparing you a glance.

“Don’t like the look of those Marleyans, especially that humorless brat."

You pictured the blond woman. Her grim, dull eyes _did_ always unsettle you. The only time you saw her with emotion, _elated_ even, was during her encounter with Eren, as if it was what she had been looking forward to. It had nagged at the back of your mind.

“And don’t even make me bring up that bearded bastard.”

Your heart sank. The mention of Zeke had you thinking back to all the comrades whose lives have been taken, so unwarranted and abrupt.

You smiled sadly and hummed in response, fingers gripping the steel mug tighter.

He was right.

You were painfully aware of the fact that both of you could never come to terms with the Scouts working with Marleyans, of all people. Even if they claim to be defectors. Even if they offer to share their assets and technology, insisting on having the same goal. It was simply too good to be true, and, from what you’ve learnt growing up in the slums, at least, there was _always_ a catch to a stranger’s help.

For now, Hange would be too occupied with the responsibility of Commander and managing public relations; there’s no room to even entertain the possibility of treason. What’s more, there’s no investigating their crew discreetly, not without raising suspicion among their ranks. They clearly have the upper hand, have much more control of the situation than Paradis ever will, coming from an civilised background of knowledge and resources.

There's no getting around it.

It's not a matter of _if_ , but _when_ they'll turn on you.

What if you find out too late?

“— _Oi_.”

Levi jolts you back to reality.

“Don’t think too much into it. You’ll end up burning yourself out, and I've already got enough to deal with when Shitty Glasses is this stressed."

The image of Hange from the other day sprawled on the floor, with papers and ink all over the place and drool on the progress reports pops up into your mind, and you let out a small laugh.

Levi pats your head gently, and you silently thank him for knowing you too well.

Fleeting as they may be, you wonder if you’re allowed to indulge in moments of comfort like this.

But for now, you'll allow yourself to dream. To imagine what life could be like, if there can ever be one without war, pain, loss, and grief.

And for now, you'll dream of him. Of all the what if's and what could be's.

_They'd have my eyes, and your hair..._

The soft chirp of crickets and his subtle breaths lull you to sleep.

Levi grimaces but decides not to wake you, although he knows you’ll wake up in a hour with a sore neck. 

Silence stretches, and he mulls over the words that you mumbled in your drowsiness.

_"They'd have my eyes, and your hair..."_

You've never talked about it.

For as long as he's been with you, and _god-knows_ how many years it's been, you've never asked him what comes next, never questioned what lays in store for the both of you. He'd occasionally catch you watching intently as children run past on the cobblestone streets, a faraway look to your eyes. And he knows, he _knows_ you dream of a married life, or at least you _did_ , of living with a family in a small house by the river, just far enough from the city, from the busy and crowded roads, to enjoy a quiet existence and _live life untroubled_ , having unintentionally eavesdropped on a drunken conversation between you and Isabel, long, long ago.

_"I'll even help him with that tea shop of his," you had giggled, slurring your words in your wasted stupor, "Can you imagine, Bel? The grumpy old man recommending this week's black tea leaves, of the finest quality, of course!"_

Both of you never bothered to touch on the topic. 

He's always believed that he'd behave in a blunt manner, cut things straight to the chase. But to be with you is to walk on eggshells, as he carefully treads over every decision, no matter how trivial they may seem.

Life is bitter, and he wants to live through it with no regrets. Levi's not one to make a promise he can't keep, and he's never been more certain that he can't promise you anything, not yet, not now.

So for now, as long as you stayed alive, and as long as you're here with him, he won't regret a thing.

And for now, the small, velvet box hidden in his bottom drawer would have to wait.

As the last of the sun’s rays disappear over the horizon, Levi can’t help but wonder if he’ll think of this moment when he’s on his deathbed, be it on the battlefield, striving for what’s left of humanity’s victory, or with a graying image of you, still as breathtaking and lively as you are now, by his side. If he’ll remember fondly of it.

Of you, him, and this bitter brew.

* * *

**Author's Note:**

> I realised halfway while writing that Levi, being the goddamn clean freak that he is, would never in a million years willingly go on top of the wall (can you imagine how dirty it is though, unless they routinely had it cleaned after the threat of titans was 'over', but my thoughts are getting too far now) and sit on it to watch the sunset. Whoops. Also I feel like I made him too ooc I'm so sorry u_u
> 
>   
> Was is okay? Was he too ooc? A thing you liked? Did you hate it? Any criticism maybe? Haha  
> Comments and kudos make my day, and are very much appreciated! ✽


End file.
